ROXIES VLOG

ok gang time for some greening out storytimes from someone with the LOWEST FUCKING TOLERANCE to exist🫡 So when i was VERY new to this shit like a long time ago i bought this suspicious ass cart from someone at school and when I say it was suspicious I MEAN IT. like looking up the brand online gave you NOTHING except two horrible reveiws but i was like "fuck it whats the worst that could happen" Took a few hits, didnt feel much, took a blinker AND ALL OF A SUDDEN...oh my god. I was on ANOTHER planet..shit probably was more than just weed to cause that hit DIFFERENT. like WHAT THE FUCK.. Then sudenly i couldnt breathe felt so dizy i fell to the ground and got tunnel vision n then i passed out. when i woke up i was halucinating this weird whit creature in the corner, and my sister was that one ghost from that horror movie but like scarier. and my vision was like THREE and sonic was on the ceiling. in conclusion, dont hit suspicious carts. There was another time were i bought some eddies from a friend. i FUCKING FORGOT to ask how many mg there were, but i assume a lot, friend told me to break it into EIGHT cause it was so strong, and origanally, i DID that. tne. i spoke the eddie words of doom "i dont feel nothing im taking more" AND MY DUMB ASS TOOK THE WHOLE FUCKING THING CAUSE WHY NOT i then went on to throw up, think my blanket was a mountain, sob, and then had the best fucking sleep of my life

today was better. idk i woke up at 3 and drew the rest of the afternoon then i grinded osrs. idk not much to talk about. im tired and i wanna sleep but i cant. i used to not sleep cause i didnt wanna but now i do and i cant no matter how long i lay there which sucks cause i'm tired. so tired.

sorry for my lack of updates, i've honestly been barely living i've been genuienly miserable. probably cause its gotten bed enough that i cant even stop staring at my ceiling to take my meds, ive been getting high pretty much every night. sorry, i sound like a negative nelly, but im MISERABLE. hopefully school starting will make things better. every social event ive gone to ive had to leave early because i mentally cannot take that right now. i genuinely hope no one actually reads this shit cuz i'm deadass using it as a diary atp. i need to BUY an actual diary cause wtf is this. anyways on a more positive? or more like nuetral? note, ive been GRINDING on osrs and rs3 I LOVE THEM BOTH I DONT FW THE RS3 HATE. anyways im tired as fuck and im done being a negative nelly bye gang

RAHHHH i don't want it to be july. that means it's closer to having to go back to school... its 6am rn trying to decide if i should sleep or not...im probably not going to tbh. i've been busy busy busy recently. always working on one thing or another. i'm glad tho. i hate feeling useless. at least i have a purpose. i feel pretty burnt out but when do i not. gotta keep producing. i like splatoon. thats like the one thing i do that isnt productive in some way. splatoon is fun. i like the characters. man idk what to write i'm so tired ugh. my apple pencil isnt working. that's why im on neocities rn instead of drawing. idk its done this before and came back so maybe it'll come back again. btw i made a new about me page...u should likee....check it out. hey another benefit of being so busy...it's a good distraction from...yknow...WORSE distractions. i havent drank in weeks, havent smoked in several days..yayayayaa. hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi

EVERY FUCKING DAY. i go "ohh im gomna go to sleep early tonight! 11 o clock! getting my sleep schedua; back!" 11 rolls around. "i;m ib the middle of this, i gotta finnish this." i finnish it.its like 12-1 now. my brain goes "oh well i need to get ___ done too. i have plenty of time." i finnish that. my brain goes "well ive been working on shit all day i should take a break for a bit, watch some youtube or something." now it's like 3am! my brain then says "inst 3am like evil or something? just wait that one hour." 4:00. "well it's probably bad too go to sleep at EXACTLY four. what if they know im trying to avoid 3? wait 30 more minutes." 4:30. "you know, i've been wokring hard today. i'm tired. why dont i enjoy a cigartte and/or weed and just chill some more. my brain is tired." 5:00. "ok. it's time to sleep." i lay in bed for a hour or two. it's 6-7 now. "dman it's morning. no sleep again i guess," i did actually get sleep last night but GODD i can never fucking sleep. i'm going bonkers. this happens EVERY NIGHT. please please please. if you know how i can stop this tell me in my guestbook. i'm so tired. i wanna get a good night's rest. but something is always stopping me. especially since i left my melatonin at mom's. please its a fucking curse. there are lines and spirals on my keyboard. it's almost 6:00. i wanna sleep. i physically can't. UGHHHH.

sorry i havent written in a couple days. i've had family in town & i've been trying to sleep better so i havent really had the time. ok, i have some news that might be disapointing :(. i fucked upp on the quitting. im sorryyy. I've had a rough week, it was just helpful to get one thing (the cravings) off my back. you know, i never thought i was all that addicted 'till i tried to actually quit. nontheless, i'm gonna keep trying, with persistancy, i'll be able to quit eventually. other than that, todays been pretty decent. just an average day. which for me is rotting all day. i feel like a rotting corpse most of the time. oh one thing, i dropped my computer, and now it has cracks+rainbow lines all over it. tragic news, especially to our computer lover spencer. most of the day i've been drawing and watching people playing minecraft stoned. listen those videos are way more entertaining than they should be..they've got some interesting shit to say. i'm feeling better today than i have the rest of the week. depressions still there but it's better. partially cause i'm at my dad's house now and i dont have someone making me genuinly comptemplate suicide every single time i leave my room and then get mad at me for not leaving my room enough cause it "doesnt make us look like a perfect happy family" or some shit. i hate to say that. i know its mean. like my mom says daily "i work my ass off for you and you dont even have to DO anything". i see a lot of myself in my mother. i've heard her say she sees a lot of herself in me. maybe thats why we are constantly fighting. neither of us are the most stable people ever. both of us are generally not very good people. i wish it werent that way..

depression is soo back how fun!! took me a bit to realise that on top of the world couple of months were over and now its time for a couple of months of my own brain TOURTORING me. i know i'm typing this in a lighthearted type way, but i am barely hanging on. the floor in my room is barely visible. everything feels like a fucking burden. i'm so tired. i wanna sleep forever. had a massive arguement with my mom this morning. maybe it IS my fault at this point, maybe she's the poooor victim being so absolutely ATTACKED by everyone around her like she says. awww..poor heerrr.. i really really really need large amounts of alcohol rn. or like ANY sort of distraction. im just tired of suffering. not weed though. i kept smelling weed today in the theatre and it made me feel sick idk. there was a big storm today too.

ngl ive been fucking miserable today. i tihkn the depression is back, i no longer feel fucking amazing on top of the world.. ive been sleeping all day instead of never sleeping. i still feel sick i think im gonna throw up. ive been playing fucking aj all day, i like classic better but i left my pc at dad's. i'm tryna find my old accound cause i played that shit SO MUCH in 2016 and had a ton of rares and like all the dens and animals lol. im waiting for my mummy to get back from my sister's dance recital so she can bring me my daily monster yayayay. i asked her to get me the rose one this time (one of my faves) obviously the strawberry dreams will alllways be my #1, but i like to have others from time 2 time i'm really sick of posting on traditional social media (tiktok, insta etc) it just feels so dry there, and i have like NO followers even w/ all my hard work. probably gonna get rid of tiktok soon i actually hate that app so fucking much..people just say the same thing over and over and think theyre sooo differesnt for doing normal things. come on now yall. i hate trends. why can't we all just like what we like and not judge eachother. society is soo fucked...

dang, that was an all nighter. thousanth one this month to be exact. XD i spent the entire time coding this damn website with the same amount of self will as a fucking goldfish. this website is slowly becoming more & more important to me. as i add more to it (and taking up more and kore time...) its made me kinda realise how corporatised modern social media has become..it's like..whenever i open up tiktok or something it just feels so tasteless..same old thing over and over. it may take some effort to learn html, but its 100% worth it. i feel like i have my own little universe here that i can mold into whatever i possibly want as my skills grow. and looking at the other neocities is so fun too...i feel so close to these people who ive never even met. making a website is some of the most self expression you can get honestly...its quite fun after you get past the basic learning..i feel like i still learn 100 new things everyday. the possibilities are really endless. I made that art page TWO DAYS AGO and i already have a million ideas to make it better that i was unsure of how to do before. omg i love neocities so much. FUCK MODERN SOCIAL MEDIA MAKE A NEOCITIES RIGHT FUCKING NOWW1!!1!1 Its really not as hard as u would think :p PLSPLSPLSPLSPLS ya idk what else to write but i wanna fill up this space right here hi hih ih hi mmmm chezburge mmmmm chezburgerr num num num wafflicious mmm chavez PIZZA! pop! slurrrpp ahhh vro why tf is it soo hard to fill up this space come on come on come on come onnnnn

ive slept good the past few days!! so im pulling an all nighter tonight muahah.. got kinda high last night, i usually get rlly bad weed hangovers from those cheap ass gummies but it didn't happen this time yayy. i have a monster problem i consume so many of them in a week..I LOVE THE STRAWBERRY DREAMS ONEE :3 ALSO SPENCER ADDED SO MUCH TO HIS PAGE IT LOOKS SO AWESOME AAA i love life why did i wanna kill myself like two days . the depression phase is over yayayaya. it feels like everyone doesnt hate me anymore woohoo. ALSO THE WEED DIDNT GIVE ME DEREALISATION LIKE IT NORMALLY DOES?? ITS BEEN GETTING BETTER. i'm a valued member of kurtistown! meowmmeow emow meow meow. i like internet stuff. i can't play psychopomp cuz i left my pc at dad's..sighhh... its ok i keep dying anyways. i hate the taste of alcohol so much. yes i drink quite often but it tastes so baddd...HAND SANITISER!! And omg most drinks try to cover that up but why does beer make it 10x worse...like...come on now

My sleep schedual is COOKED moday: all nighter. tuesday: all nighter. wednesday: a few hours. thrusday: all nighter. friday: slept until like 3pm. saturday: slept a couple hours sunday: ITS 1 AM GANG i'm such a fucking loser. and no, i dont mean that in some tiktok romantisised way. i mean that as i've been rotting in my room for days. i need to find things to do i never leave my room. ALSO i should've stockpiled weed before summer started cause i have VERY low supply rn and it's hard to get outside of school. idk. i'm trying to quit smoking TABACCO cause its kind of an issue, but it's quite hard. still struggling after a week without it. Anyways today all i did was work on my neocity and play animal jam. i GREW UP on aj and i've been playing it again recently. the classic version is so much better. but everytihngs behind a PAYWALL. ughhh.. still, i perfer that version. idk what i'm doing when it comes to coding and i am genuinely struggling w/ this website. it's still fun tho. i guess it's nice to learn as i go. i remember the original homepage...yuk!1!1

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